From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Shit happens is the motto for a series of satirical jokes religious and philosophical definitions, circulating on the Internet. The following is a collection assembled from different sources. The jokes are of course caricatures not meant to insult any particular creed and may reflect particular non neutral points of view.
- See also: Internet humour - You have two cows
Hare Krishna:
Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
Buddhism:
When shit happens, is it really shit?
Catholicism :
If shit happens, you deserved it.
Shit happens if you wear condoms.
Charismatic Catholicism:
Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
Christian Fundamentalism:
There's no shit in the Bible.
If you say shit is happening, you'll burn at the stake (Medieval version)
Judaism:
Why does shit always happen to me?
Conservative Judaism:
Why does shit always happen to US?
Islam:
If shit happens, it is will of Allah will and you'd better submit.
Islamic Fundamentalists:
If shit happens, we will bomb it!
Malcom X's Islam:
We don't take this shit.
Protestantism:
Shit happens but as long as you repent, it's OK.
Calvinism:
Shit won't happen if you work harder.
Lutheranism:
Have faith that shit will happen.
Anglicanism:
It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
Televangelism:
Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.
Confucianism:
Confucious say, "Shit happens".
Hinduism:
This shit happened before.
Presbyterianism:
This shit was bound to happen.
Seventh Day Adventists:
Shit happens on Saturdays.
Taoism:
Shit happens.
Zen:
What is the sound of shit happening?
Quakers:
Be silent and wait for shit to happen, friend.
Bahaism:
Shit happens universally.
New Age:
That's not shit, it's a crystal.
Visualize shit happening...
Wicca:
If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
Christian Science:
When shit happens, don't call a doctor: pray.
Atheism:
I don't believe this shit.
Agnosticism:
You can't prove any of this shit.
Rastafarianism:
Let´s smoke this shit!
Mormonism:
If shit happens, shun it.
Baptist Church:
You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
Southern Baptist:
Shit will happen. Praise the lord.
Unitarianism:
It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.
Greek Orthodox Church:
Shit happens, usually in three's.
12-step program:
Shit happens one day at a time.
Amish:
This modern shit is worthless.
Shintoism:
You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
Unification Church of Rev. Moon:
Only happy shit really happens.
Stoicism:
This shit is good for me.
Zoroastrianism:
Shit happens half the time.
Rosicrucian:
What is this AMORC shit?
Satanism:
Sneppah tihs.
Witchcraft:
Mix this shit together and it will happen.
Scientology:
If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.
